and in love,
there is mourning.
the mourning of a love that may someday end,
or the mourning of a love that may feel endless,
trapping you in it.
and if it does end,
where am i to go next?
but if it continues,
will i stay here forever?

we had been sitting sidebyside and talking on the couch, the wall behind us displayed a painting of a busy street, likely sometime in the 1900's, but i was never all that interested in time periods.
"heh, yeah," i began after a lull in our conversation, "they said we'd be cute together." my face was turned up in a smile, i tried to make it seem lighthearted.
i watched in horror, however, as your throat made a noise, one like you were holding back laughter. your threw your head back and laughed at the ceiling, and it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. i smiled hard and laughed along dryly, trying to bury the sinking feeling in my gut.
"it's not a joke," i breathed silently in between awkward laughs, "love me. love me." but the sound of it all was drowned out.

last night i dreamt about our mutual friend and i talking again, she and i were playing videogames & she mentioned you. i asked how you were (idiot that i was) and she said you were good and that you missed me. she left without saying goodbye and i was alone in her bedroom. when i stood up, my backpack strap ripped so i borrowed her sewing kit and left a note saying "hey! borrowed your sewing kit! tell ______(insertnamehere) to call me!" and left. when i woke up, you hadnt called. guess the message never went through.